Selfish.

Maybe being ‘selfish’ is one of the most generous things you can ever do. 

Apparently a paradox if there was one, or, is it? 

In the past 6 months I have repeatedly found myself in conversations with this as a central theme. This idea that somehow putting ourselves first,implementing boundaries, making choices that make us happy, developing a healthy self love and pride in ourselves, is perceived as mutually exclusive to also being a caring, loving, giving person. 

The problem is, too many around us want our care, our love and our giving without wanting to respect the boundaries that also keep us safe, rested and functioning, let alone thriving. And the moment we start putting a hint of those boundaries up, we are suddenly slammed with the charged identity of SELFISH. 

Around about now I introduce the well known concept of filling your own cup, before you start pouring yourself out to others. Or the analogy my husband likes to use, of the emergency protocol in air planes, get your own oxygen mask on before you start helping others. Why? Because you are not much help dead. 

Well, there is also a significant limit on how helpful, emotionally available and supportive you can be if your energy stores are depleted, if you don’t have ‘oxygen’ coming in to keep you alive and aware of your own needs. 

Now don’t get me wrong, in no way am I suggesting that we go through life crushing others around us just to get ahead, under the pretense of ‘me first’ means everyone else can shove it. It’s not about the crushing of others, it’s the taking care of self. 

So start to self analyse. Are you drained and still giving at the cost of your own well-being? How do those around you react when you make space for yourself? Do you let them dictate what amount or type of self care is correct for you? What daily, weekly, monthly habits to you have scheduled that replenish you, physically, mentally and emotionally? How are your energy levels? What or who do you complain (even if it’s to yourself) about the most? Perhaps it’s time to distance that situation or person until you are stronger. 

You are worthy of being happy, energetic, rested. It is not a luxury, it is a birthright. 

So next time you get called ‘selfish’ for taking time for self care, or for following your spark, just smile and say “thank you,” because you are creating space, energy and longevity to also serve, inspire and help others on a higher level than ever before.