Ode to Lishy

You flicked into my memory
Though how could I forget?
The child you were within me
Is something that’s not let.
I miss you, try to hide it,
Away from my own known,
And still you find those pathways
To mind you come alone.
It’s just it hurts severely
It’s hard to let it sit,
I never mean to lose you
But pain that comes insists.
I wish that you were with me
I see your precious face,
It haunts when night hits me
It jolts me wide awake.
Dear sweetheart don’t stop coming,
To mind and heart within
I wish I thought more of you
But hurt resists those whims.

It gave no choice, just happened
No power or control.
I thought I could protect you
That too a lie that’s told.
I’ve never felt so helpless
Than when I watched you die,
You slipped away still sleeping,
I watched you quietly lie.
I left you when I shouldn’t,
What mother leaves her child?
But take you home unable
That choice no longer mine.
I loathe that it all happened
I scream at what took place,
I thrash about in anger
I sob at restless pace.
No longer sure I’ll see you,
No longer know what’s true,
Six years gone by with anguish,
Dear sweetheart where are you?

Written in 2020